~ Steve Jobs
If you look at your life, maybe just this week, I suspect there may be a few things you could have said “no” to but you didn’t. For most of us, we could probably say ‘no’ about a billion more times than we do. But, typically we don’t.
Being a Doer has become the gold standard in our western culture. If you are like many people, action, accomplishment and accumulation have become a top value. In fact, when your identity is fortified by being a Doer, saying ‘Yes’ to working harder and doing more can become a familiar way of life. Giving yourself kudos, or receiving external ‘Atta girl or boy’ reinforces this identity even more.
While saying ‘Yes’ is a great way to participate in life, if over-used it will take a toll on your health, happiness and relationships.
Here is a small checklist to evaluate if you have a strong attachment to your Doer Identity, and if it is costing you.
- Do you say ‘yes’ when everything in you wants to say ‘no’?
- Are you frequently exhausted or irritable and taking it out on people around you?
- Do you become resentful toward the people who set boundaries and take care of themselves?
- Are tight shoulders, headaches or acid indigestion beginning to feel normal?
- Is your over-committed schedule causing you to be less than efficient or on time?
From my experience both personally and professionally, the Doer Identity can take on a life of its own. When it does, it costs us precious life force and throws us out of our natural internal flow.
If a Doer Identity is costing you happiness and vitality, you might want to re-evaluate your values and your beliefs. Do you feel less valuable, lovable and worthy when you say No to the demands of the world and Yes to creating Beingspace for you?
If you are starving for less stress and more vitality, I have a great remedy for you:
Sharpen Your Skills to Become a NO Ninja!
Set boundaries with your personal energy. Hone in on the skill to say ‘No’ to all requests you receive that don’t truly resonate with your heart and values. This will raise your self-respect. With the skill to monitor ‘what you will do and won’t do’ you restore health.
When you learn the art of saying ‘No’ you will also bring peace instead of stress to your relationships. While 2-year-olds angrily yell ‘NO’ to assert their independence, we adults can say ‘No’ to requests from others in a way that is kind and caring with ourselves and them.
If you choose to take on a ‘No’ Ninja lifestyle ~
BE PREPARED FOR MORE EASE AND FLOW!
Here are 5 points that will support your No conversations.
OPEN ~ Be Grateful
“Thanks so much for considering me.”
“I appreciate your kind note and invitation.”
“Thanks for asking.”
“ I know what it takes to reach out for help.”
“ I can see this project is really important to you.”
“ I hear you think you need me.”
IT’S A NO
“I love you but No.”
“It feels like a No.”
“I can’t make this commitment, I’ve got to say No.”
“It’s hard to say No to you, but “It’s a No.”
GIVE A REASON
“I’m all filled up at the moment.”
“I’ve committed to simplifying my life.”
“I’m fortifying my vitality by creating more space in my life.”
BE A BLESSING
“I’ll be a cheerleader for your mission.”
“If I can support you in another way let me know.”
I ask you to become part of the ‘No’ Ninja tribe. Align with us to Raise Your State. Consider making a conscious effort to say ‘No’ 10 times more than usual this next month. And, recognize if you are relaxing more fully into you.