The wise old owl lived in an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke;
The less he spoke the more he heard:
Why can’t we all be like that bird?
~ Edward H Richards
A respected teacher once told me that Listening is the highest form of love. Well, I really took his teaching to heart and decided to make a conscious effort to discover how Listening opens up our Love channel.
Our Listening creates a power that fuels two of our most basic needs; connection and belonging. When these needs are met, energy is freed up to create and share our happiness. It shifts people from merely surviving in relationship to being a co-creative team that thrives.
Frequently, by the time couples call me, the love they share together is considerably shut down. They are tip-toeing around on eggshells with each other. They want to reconnect and experience more happiness and ease, yet they aren’t skilled at the intimate communication that makes that happen. Unable to really speak and hear one another; frustration and resentment can build up to explosive levels. Or sometimes, one or both people are in the midst of silently entertaining an exit strategy.
What I’ve learned is that when two people really listen to each other and acknowledge what they hear from each other, magic happens. When we are listened to we feel more accepted and are more inclined to open up. And, as we open, love expands our heart into the conversation and creates deeper communion.
Listening is Power, yet we aren’t taught to Listen.
When Doug, my husband, brings his listening presence to me I feel a sense of being honored for being me. Even if he doesn’t agree with me, his receptivity offers me a space to be really seen and heard. Feeling valued, I soften and our love channel opens up.
Listening is Receptivity…
Set Your Mind aside and Take it in!
When I’m listening to Doug, I remind myself to turn my thinking off and rest into a receptive place. Instead of making an assumption about what he is going to say, I attempt to stay present to what he actually does say. This softens any arrogance I’ve mustered up from thinking I know what is in his head. It also stops me from interpreting him or jumping in with what I think he needs to do. When I listen to him with this attitude of respect, our Love that is always there shines more brightly.
Listening without making assumptions, interpreting or interrupting is a valuable skill to cultivate.
Tune Up your Listening Power:
1. Make an effort to listen to your friend or partner. Repeat back to them what you heard them say in your words. Then ask, “Do you feel I fully heard you?”
2. Let go of assuming you know what anyone is going to say before they say it. When you stop pre-supposing what anyone thinks or feels, you open space for love to pour in.
3. In response to listening, respect people enough to ask if they want your input. Giving your opinion without permission is disrespectful.
When two people truly listen to one another Love opens up. Trust this Love to soften the mind patterns that create separation. Trust this Love to create deeper connection.
In all ways, Love is the real Doer!
Not only does Listening open up the Love channel, you’ll discover it Raises Your State.