In relationship, both men and women sometimes feel unheard, not seen and misunderstood by their partners.
If left unattended to, relationships can slide into disconnect – two people living side by side with little connection and intimacy. Two unhappy people doing what they know and maintaining their familiar safety zone. In my experience, this is a sad condition.
In the male-female relationships I coach, one big challenge I see is that couples don’t truly grasp how differently they are wired. Needs, communication styles and basic ways of seeing and interacting with the world are simply different.
How do we understand and communicate with a completely different animal? If I’m a fish, how do I live in the same habitat with a tiger? If I’m a sun, how do I communicate with a moon?
If I’m a man, how do I understand the vast nature of the feminine–and how do I get close enough to feel its warmth and light AND not get burned?
As I work with bringing couples back from disconnect, I create space where they can orchestrate their differences and communicate in ways that they ‘get’ each other. They can learn what translates as love to each other. Well – at least to the degree that a fish can understand a tigers way feeling loved.
Today, I have a few tips for Women in relationship with men. Next week I’ll be sharing a few tips for the Men.
Women ~ Do you recognize what your man needs so you’ll feel that connection and communication you want from him?
Think Space – taxing your man with your vast network of mental and emotional concerns isn’t smart. don’t overload him or scramble him with your sparkling electricity. when we attempt to download our day in the ways the feminine tends to do, it can certainly overload the male brain. don’t repress yourself but instead talk to your girlfriends first and then communicate more simply and directly to your guy. he’ll be able to respond to you much easier.
Think Freedom – appreciate that he goes off and into his cave to sort himself for a few hours or even a day or two. give him that freedom so he can be with himself and don’t take it personally. don’t automatically think he goes away because of something you’ve done or said. when he takes time to be with himself, he’ll then return to you with more of him. the male brain leans toward emptiness and freedom.
Think Direction – don’t tell him what he should be doing according to your agenda. let him figure his challenges out and notice that when he takes his own direction he is strengthened. you can certainly tell him how you feel about something, and this is important for you. yet, stay on your side of the fence with your experience. trust and respect his decisions– even if you think your way is better. women, let go of your masculine mind when you are with a masculine mind or you’ll watch your man get softer and more isolated than you really want him to be.
Think Sex! – He’ll open up and come closer to you.
Think Purpose – know as he focuses on his highest purpose he grounds in to himself and can therefore be more present to you.
David Deida says it best: