“As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.”
~ Byron Katie
Anytime you face a situation in which you feel powerless to effect change, remember this:
You Have the Power of Choice
You may not have the power over the forces of nature—earthquakes, tornadoes, rain, sun—but you have the power to choose how you will respond to the prevailing winds; your attitude and actions are yours to choose.
Have you ever considered yourself to be a victim of life’s circumstances, a victim of others or a victim of your own mind? If so, you’re not alone. While most of us don’t like to admit it, we all feel a little tortured by life at times. We have moments of feeling frustrated, sorry for ourselves and angry with others for interfering with our happiness. We know what it feels like to have no power in a situation.
I imagine you know what it is like to call on a financial institution or the DMV, only to find yourself dealing with a system that seems designed to frustrate you. Or, perhaps you have dealt with a friend or family member who appears to be out to complicate your life with their over-bearing agenda.
How do you handle your frustration with a situation or person when you feel you have no power to change it? Does frustration and powerlessness create a temporary annoyance or does it run deeper than that? If you can let go of a momentary frustration, and get on with your day, you maintain your state. However, if you tend to get stuck in powerlessness, you might consider you’ve become accustomed to the insidious pattern of victim-stance.
With chronic victim-stance you experience being at the effect of life, rather than creating your experience of life. You feel that some outside force always has the upper hand. Someone else is causing your misery.
Over time, chronic victimization drains a huge amount of your life force. Each story you tell of powerlessness amps up the pattern even more: I can’t help it, this is just the way I am, she did it to me, if only he would change, it’s not fair, I’m this way because of my dad or mom…the stories go on and on and continue to grow this victim mentality.
Our thoughts are powerful. Our stories are powerful. When our personal stories reflect that we have power to choose our attitude about a situation, we empower ourselves. We uplift our energy; mind, body and spirit. This internal power reflects a belief that we are masters of our mind and need not be at the effect of old mental programming that plummets us into negativity.
The Profile of a Victim
Often, victim-stance becomes one’s identity. It becomes both a coping mechanism and communication style. Victims visit and re-visit self-pity, feeling sorry for themselves, complaining and then gossiping about their woe-is-me misery. They project an element of drama. They blame events, situations, others or themselves. With the certainty that someone is at fault, forgiveness becomes nearly impossible. Old grudges and resentment weigh heavily on all victims.
From the victim’s point of view, life is unfair and they are distraught and angry about it. Over time, this negativity erodes health, well-being and relationships. If you stick with your victim, your state will keep vibrating to chronic discontent.
Do You Hang with Chronic Victims?
Victims draw us into their webs, hooking our sympathy with their plight. Once hooked, we try to help. For every reasonable solution or alternative we suggest, and for anything we offer to do to get them out of their situation, they have a litany of reasons why none of it will work. Their identity is based on being trapped beyond their own power to escape. They choose being right about the unfairness of life and how unfairly people have treated them, over their own happiness. Their identity as a victim will zap your energy and surely take you down.
Master your Mind ~ Change Your Stories ~ Choose a New Story
If you are experiencing regular bouts of self-pity and blame, know that victim-stance is running your life and that you have surrendered your power. Also, know that you can choose to surrender this faulty operating system instead of your power.
To re-iterate, it’s true we don’t have control over situations, to include the politics of the world and the forces of nature. We don’t have control over other people. From our human vantage point, life does appear really unfair at times. Yet, infecting our mind with stories of powerlessness lowers our state.
What we can control is our attitude, choices and actions we take. Conquering victim-stance takes a commitment to ‘Take Responsibility for Your Reality”.
Evict your Victim by taking on these 4 actions:
Give It Up: Give up your standards of how people need to be for you to be happy. Happiness comes from within–you create it. Allow people to be themselves and you make choices of how to interact with them. Their purpose in life is not to make you happy. The only one who needs to live up to your standards is you.
Let Go of Drama: Stop telling the negative drama stories about the ways of world. Stop telling your woe-is-me story over and over. What you focus on grows. This negativity traps you and everyone around you in heavy energy.
Value You: Become the author of your life. Know that your life counts. You have a right to feel what you feel, say what you say, and choose what you choose. Make a pact with yourself to value you by making choices that release you from stress and unhappiness, even if you do make waves for a time.
Make a Pact with Yourself: Take on the mantras: ‘I am responsible for my reality’ and ‘I will respond to my life by making loving choices’.
These pacts don’t mean you have the ability to control life. Life is what it is and people are what they are. Being responsible—having the ability to respond to your life—means you become a master at choosing your thoughts, attitudes and actions.
If you are troubled by something; change it, change your attitude about it, choose to surrender, or suffer. Just make it a conscious choice. True power is in your ability to take responsibility for your life; this Raises Your State.