Fire Your Should-Master

“If you trade your authenticity for safety, you may experience the following: anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addiction, rage, blame, resentment, and inexplicable grief.” ~ Brene Brown

Do you know what it is like to say “yes” to something when you really want to say “no”?

Does going along with someone’s agenda seem easier than carving out your own direction?

Do you tend to follow the ‘should’ voice in your head, rather than follow what is authentically true for you?

Beware! The Should-Master lurks everywhere!

This merciless character insists, above all else, that you be appropriate, do your duty and accommodate others. In the Should-Master’s world, warding off disapproval, keeping the peace, and bolstering up your image is of utmost importance.

First heard from the outside through parents, teachers and society, the Should-Master’s voice admonishes you to “shape up”, “stay in line”, and “do it right”. Soon enough the Should-Master’s voice takes root inside you.

There are many times when our desire to accommodate others arises from true kindness. When we nurture our relationships with heartfelt consideration a level of trust is built. These are authentic choices. Our generosity of spirit creates cohesion and shines our heart into the world. Supporting others works to co-create a peaceful world.

However, the Should-Master’s insistence on being appropriate and accommodating others is not about Right Action. Nor is it about considering the good of the whole. It comes from a rulebook of “should” maneuvers— which at its core is about keeping your image intact and you feeling safe.

Do you know the nagging feeling that nudges you to act when your whole being is crying out to give it a rest?

Have you forced yourself to go in a direction, knowing the whole time it just wasn’t right for you?

Do you stay loyal because you “should”, not because you want to?

The Should-Master invokes chronic internal contradiction.“I ought …I must …I should …I shouldn’t.” The voices go on and on, driving us to exhaustion. Left unchecked, they give way to resentment. And over time, we discover we feel disconnected from our self and an authentic life.

Many people who become slaves to their Should-Master voice are trained to not be selfish. They experience pangs of guilt when they need to say ‘no’ to a partner or friend, and ‘yes’ to their personal needs.

Have you ever abandoned your own needs in order to not be selfish and ended up feeling you went against yourself?

“Selfish” has a bad reputation. We’re told too much self-interest is uncaring, but that isn’t the whole picture. There is a light side to “selfish”. It is a healthy stance that attends to the greater Self. This is not the little self, filled with “me” desires, but the greater Self—the sacred Self whose purpose is here to grow and evolve. The Self is the light of who we are, the highest focus we can be loyal to.

If you’ve learned to be super-responsible, a caregiver or have co-dependent tendencies, “taking care of Self ” is often a stretch. You may find it easier to go along with your Should-Masters voice than move in to the unknown and unfamiliar territory of self-care.

Self-care redirects you from the Should-Masters outer focus and points you inside to attend to you. You are your most precious gift. It is your job and responsibility to consciously and selfishly guard your life force. If you choose to raise your state it is imperative you become comfortable saying Yes to you.

Vigilance in our awareness of the Should-Master’s voice and refusing to listen to this force makes space for authentic choices. This strengthens us. We become centered in our self and take direction from our intuitive inner guidance. We honor our body’s messages, monitor our energy, and know when something feels right to us. It becomes easier to tap into the power that nourishes our soul. That power is Love.

Check it out. Do you operate from old rule tattoos or do you make authentic choices?

Old Rule Tattoos                         Authentic Choices
Keep peace~~~~~Do what works even if people don’t agree.
Don’t rock the boat~~~~~~~Speak what is true for you.
Live by the rules~~~~~~~~~Be guided by your inner truth.
Better safe than sorry~~~~~Be Courageous & change.
Good girl/good boy ~~~~~~ Authentic you becomes happy.
Be responsible ~~~~~~~~~~Respond to your life.
Do what you must~~~~~~~~Stay in your internal flow.
Be appropriate~~~~It works to be considerate and thoughtful.


Everyday I help people see the subtle and blatant manipulations of their Should-Master. I support them to find the courage to take new actions in the direction of their authentic self. This includes checking in with their beliefs which are often very outdated.

When your Should-Master goes down, you will know it. Authentic choices, intuitive insights and self-expression come alive. No more resentment caused by going against yourself. No more yes’s when you mean no. You do what works, you accept what is and your life is one big flow that you enjoy creating.

Breaking any long-held pattern feels awkward, uncomfortable and sometimes anxiety provoking. This is how it feels when we step out of the old groove into unknown territory. The old programs try to reassert themselves, shaking our confidence.

When we break familiar patterns in order to take care of our self others may get upset or angry with us. Have the courage to do it anyway. Know you are heading in the direction of creating a happy and authentic life. Self-care Raises Your State.

Until next time….Fire Your Should Master
and let the true you, the authentic you lead your life.


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