“Intimacy is not a happy medium. It is a way of being in which the tension between distance and closeness is dissolved and a new horizon appears. Intimacy is beyond fear.” ~ Henri Nouwen
Most of us haven’t learned the skills that foster true intimacy. What I know is that it has taken a lot of years and several relationships to teach me how to show up in relationship with my Love trumping my fear. I’ve cultivated energy in my Heart Powers and corralled this unruly mind that makes up crazy stories to keep me safe, in control and alone.
Doug, my beloved, has shown up as a powerful mirror to help me see myself and how I am in relationship. His tenacity has opened me, no matter how much my relationship history cautioned me not to trust men. He’s shined a light on my victim stance and my martyr, all the while rallying my self-love. He’s opened me to depths I didn’t know and I’ve supported him in gaining self-respect and confidence in his inherent gifts.
Through our mutual commitment to truth and intimacy, his consistent presence and my feminine energy and heart, has brought us into great intimacy. We are always a work in progress, growing and learning and bringing our love forth with the people we work with and in our lives.
All this to say, in my next several newsletters I’ll be addressing Intimacy and Relationship. You’ll receive my mini Relationship Rescue Remedies for you to contemplate and apply. No matter if relationship is with a partner, a friend or a relative, these remedies will deepen you into intimacy with yourself, which ultimately allows you to experience love and intimacy with another.
Relationship Rescue Remedy #1 ~ Everything begins with you. There is a direct correlation between your self-care and being happy with your partner. When you fill up with those activities that turn you on and lift you up, you bring that light into your relationship. When you unwind fear-based beliefs and break free from habits that cause you to go against yourself, your happiness rises and you have that light to offer into your relationship.
Ask yourself: What is my self-care? Am I taking care of myself? What is the energy I’m feeding my relationship?
Overloaded with too many pressures, burned out, or lacking boundaries around your commitments? Your emotional resources will naturally go down. Complaint, judgment and negativity will arise from your depletion, leading you to have less tolerance and patience for your partners sometimes annoying or confusing habits. When people are in hell, they tend to pull others down with them. Emotions are contagious. If you are bringing unhappiness, you are lowering the state of your relationship.
Consider this: If you aren’t creating your own happiness and fulfillment, you are contributing to discontent and blocking the possibility of a loving intimate relationship.
Make yourself happy first!
This week, exercise generosity with yourself. Do 3 things daily that uplift you. Have fun! Go out for a hike or a run, take a class, have lunch with a friend, focus on your creative project, help someone in need, take a long nap to rejuvenate you, get rid of that constant annoyance, let go of an obligation that is outdated. Monitor your complaints and put a lid on it. Treat yourself so well that you’ll be raising your inner state every day. And remember, Self-Care is directly related to how happy you are in relationship.
EVERYTHING BEGINS WITH YOU!
Stay tuned for Relationship Rescue Remedy #2 – You can sign up for these weekly newsletters with juicy quotes and great photos at the top of this page.