What is the biggest pain in relationship?

“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging.” ~ Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly. When I recently asked, “What do you think the biggest cause of pain in relationship is?’  to 10 women who are learning new ways of being in relationship, I heard: Communication?   NO Money?   NO Sex?   NO Parenting?   NO Often hidden, the answer is probably Not what you think it might be. A sense of unworthiness is at the root of most all problems we bring to our relationships. Given that unworthiness is often hidden in our unconscious, most people don’t recognize the underlying
Read More

Power Struggle in Relationships

“For one person to love another, this is the most difficult of our tasks.” ~ Rilke  Awe….those first days and months of relationship feels like a series of magical moments. A new found glow fills our spirit with excitement and we can’t wait to see our beloved again. We return to a childlike state of wonder where everything we do or say–or our beloved does or says– creates a magical quality. Connection and passion build in those early days as openness, curiosity and discovery open our heart to new possibilities. Love and admiration grow and we don’t feel quite so alone in the world. Those precious moments of falling-into another brings forth the fire of passion, stimulating creativity and self-expression. And then…the inevitable hits —
Read More

What’s your Practice?

“Now is the time when we must renew ourselves and live as if we and all of life is sacred, and as if everything we do makes a difference.”  Are you managing You in the midst of our world’s transition and our collective divide, confusion and pain? It shows up everywhere…this confusion and pain, both personal and collective. Protests, marches and cries on social platforms are demonstrations of the state of our global emotional body. Yes – One consciousness =  One emotional body. We are all tapped in to the collective consciousness, whether we are conscious of it or not. I find myself connected, feeling it, empathizing with it and then making that necessary decision for me as to how I manage my thoughts and
Read More

Be Right or Be Happy

“Being kind is much more valuable than being right,  for sometimes all a person needs is not a brilliant mind that speaks, but a patient heart that listens.”  ~ Unknown Often, I work with couples where each person is genuinely interested in taking responsibility for their participation in creating discord or disconnection in relationships. They own their stuff! They recognize the value in growing and moving through their personal blocks to creating intimate connection. On occasion, couples don’t recognize how they contribute to the distance and discord they struggle with. Instead, they create a position about their partner who they see needs fixing. “he/she is the cause of all our problems and my unhappiness. If only, he/she would get it right, we would be fine.”
Read More

Loving in Relationship

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact with two chemical substances: if there is a reaction, both are transformed.” ~ C.G.  Jung If you are like me, most likely you’ve had a challenge or two in relationships. Maybe you tangled with a turkey or two and you didn’t quite know how to create that loving companionship your heart desired. Seriously though, while some relationships are a safe haven for growth and thriving, others struggle quite a bit. Defense and complaint can become a constant. Values clash and power struggles take over. Two people end up living side by side with a nagging unhappiness, yet deep down they yearn for greater play, connection and intimacy. If you and your turkey are loving your life
Read More

Ride Your Inner Wind

“Notice the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind.” ~ Bruce Lee I remember one of my teachers using the phrase ~  the winds are up. She was referring to a confused state of mind. The wind element within us is associated with mind, movement, power, air and space. Mastering an ability to be in right relationship with your inner wind is a practice that will Raise Your State. When you are in the natural flow of your inner wind, you have an ability to attach and detach, letting go and moving on to the next moment with ease. When you learn the skill ATTACH > DETACH you use your energy wisely, rather than waste
Read More

You CHOOSE!

“Face your life, its pain, its pleasure, leave no path untaken.” ~ Neil Gaiman I suspect you’ve tapped in to the tumultuous winds of upheaval in our country over the past few weeks. I know I have. The collective consciousness has been and still is stirred up in a palpable way. Reactions, strong opinions and feelings are heightened as our world is in turmoil and transition. Last weekend our Ojai women’s circle shared our responses to the election. The circle became a container for the different points of view and feelings that were expressed. There is power in holding heart space for all to arise-to be seen and heard. And, this is what we do in circle ~ We Listen! From my perspective, Listening is
Read More

Do you know a camel?

You miss intimate connection in your relationship…and you don’t know how to get it back. You reach out over and over again to a friend…who doesn’t reach out or have time for you. You have good ideas about how a family member should be running their life…but they don’t follow your directions. And…you can’t figure out why you feel the distance and disconnection. Relationships lose oxygen sometimes. Whether you have a relationship with a friend, lover, parent, sibling or child, it takes oxygen to nurture and sustain a relationship. When I say oxygen I don’t necessarily mean time and attention, although those are strong nutrients that every relationship needs in order to flourish. When I say Oxygen, I mean RESPECT Respect, as we typically define
Read More

Are You a Dream Master?

“The dreamtime, the creative matrix, does not exist in a place outside of us. Rather, it infuses all matter and energy, connecting every creature, every rock, every star, and every ray of light or bit of cosmic dust. The power to dream is the power to participate in creation itself.”    ~ Alberto Villoldo In the words of my teacher, Miguel Ruiz, ” A Dream Master creates a Masterpiece of Life.” I ask you, “If your life was a masterpiece, what would it look like, feel like, and be like?” Imagine for a moment that your life is already a masterpiece. An evolution happening to you, for you and within you! You are here as a spiritual being having a human experience. To free up from
Read More

What goes Down does come UP

“Lingering, bottled-up anger never reveals the ‘true colors’ of an individual. It, on the contrary, becomes all mixed up, rotten, confused, forms a highly combustible, chemical compound then explodes as something foreign, something very different than one’s natural self.” ~ Criss Jami What goes down, must come up! Most likely you’ve heard this expression in the opposite version. Yet in terms of emotion, when you stuff DOWN your true feelings and honest expression, your energy comes UP in convoluted and destructive ways. If you, or someone you are in relationship with, has a difficult time being honest with feelings, needs and wants; most likely these withholds are adding a drag of resistance to your relationship. A woman recently confided in me that she had a
Read More